??????

I wonder what is every one doing. Maybe, you are watching Astro for the TVB ceremony of picking the best actor and actress? It is something like oscar, just that all the dramas are by TVB and of coz, the best actor and actress will be someone acting in the TVB dramas.

Or maybe, having dinner? No, i am not joking, even in Msia, at 10.30pm, there are ppl out there eating dinner. And i am not refering to Msian's who are in Msia now, but Msians who are in India. They are now, erm, about 7-7.30pm? Of course having dinner.

Or maybe, sleeping already? Again, i am not refering to Msian's early sleeper, but the girl in Aussian now. Its about 1am, although judging by her character that she is now either watching her favourite Anime or else trying to suck up as many books for exams.........i still consider the probability of her sleeping at this time.

Or maybe, you are out there...going somewhere....again refering to Jane June far away in Manchester, UK. How i know she is going somewhere? Oh well, cuz i just chat with her in MSN and she told me she has to go out soon.

What am I doing then? I am blogging, when my whole household is nearly destroyed. Just few minutes ago, everyone in my house, of course with the exception of my dog (cuz i didn't go down and see him), yea, everyone was crying. Me, Dad and Mum. 3 of us, crying. Okay, i am not CRYING, but i am...er....sobbing? Tears just trickles down my cheeks and i didn't bother to wipe it cuz i know more would come. Can vaguely hear my dad's screaming from my parents room about 1-2metres away...something about "it's my father who pass away, do you think i know how to deal everything perfectly to suit everyone??" or else "yes yes, i admit, i am no good....i don't know how to deal things...blah blah". Then can also vaguely hear my mum's sobbing, but i can't hear clearly of what she is talking since i didn't bother to go eaves dropping.

Maybe you are a bit confused with what happened? Now, let me tell you, with an additional advice of " do settle misunderstanding as quick as you could and never assume it has settle down". That was what happened. A disaster!!

About a month ago, my grandad was converted to Christian against his wish(again, i am not saying Christianity is no good...and i am not going to offend anyone). He was baptist by the time my family reached my aunt's house in SP. So, yes, there were loads of hoo haa...and pls refer to my earlier posts about it. Finally, my dad and my aunt came to an agreement of leaving my grandad in her house, when he passed away (indeed, our prediction was correct, he did die soon after that), she will have the christian funeral done for him BUT, after cremation, the ashes of my grandad goes to my family. Got it? Very fair and square right?

But when we came back to KL, my dad starts to regret, he feels he never try to "saves" his father from Christianity when his father clearly told him that he wants to come out from Christian and he wants a Buddhist Funeral. So, my mum, fearing that my dad would bang into some cars while travelling JB-KL and KL-JB (yes, my dad works in JB), and of course pity my dad, suggested that my family would bring my grandad down to KL from SP. Oh yes, remember the post where i strongly objected and i still lost? Yes...my grandad was transported down, spent like RM 1500 for the stupid Ambulans (thats the cheapest we can find)....and my grandad passed away in Sungai Buloh Hosp just 2 days after that.

So, everything was packed nicely and my grandad's coffin (with the body la, of cuz) was sent back to Kedah and my dad called my aunt to "report" the death. So, my aunt asked whether the Christiant Funeral is still going to be performed or not and my dad says "No". Feeling a bit guilty and sorry for his own sister cuz he broke the promise, my dad told my aunt that 'you could come pray with ur christian way if you want, it is not in temple, no buddha is there'. Sadly, the last phrase was heard by my mum, she misunderstood thinking that my dad is going to let my aunt perform the christian funeral for my grandad and she went hysterics, screaming and screaming with an extreme high pitch. Then my dad comforted her, saying my aunt won't be doing that...yet she does not believe and "threatens" my dad that she only allow my aunt to come perform whatever christiant funeral (aka singing in my family) for 1 night....if my aunt DARE to come 2 nights, she will really beat my aunt up. *gulp*.

Lucky for both of them, my aunt knows her limits and really came for 1 night only. So, everything went on peacefully and my dad thought my mum had forgotten. After 7th day ceremony, my family depart home with my mum's sister's family ( in case u ask what for they come....they came to took my dearest Honda Civic away). So, during the journey back to KL, someone touched the topic and my dad just said a phrase "we only allow her (my aunt) an hour to perform" (which, is very true) and my mum went angry AGAIN. So quarrel and quarrel and quarrrel, till i cannot tahan and i stepped in saying " mum, you are being ridiculous. Whats wrong with 2nights when you are READY to give ppl 1 night? Does it make a diff?? Is it not better for grandpa? In case the buddhist heaven don't allow him in, there is an alternative way and by singing more to him, the chances of him able to get into christian heaven is more right?" . So, whatever i said are sensible (at least to me, sorry if i offended someone about saying christianity as alternative way). But, what did i get?? My mum stared boo-hooing and cried, pointing her finger at me, saying that i side my dad. And to make things worst...my aunt (mum's sister that aunt)stood up for my mum pointing that my dad and i are siding my aunt (dad's sister) and are not appreciating what my mum had done. I seriously feels like wacking and slapping her face hard and sound.
*piece of advice: do not start telling ppl ur opinion when you don't know the full story but had only listen to the story from one party. Esp in family matter...shut ur mouth, you can start a BIG fire and then put fats into it to make it a even more FIERCE fire.

So, nothing happened, everything went peacefully, my dad went to JB and i went back to IMU. Whole week was fine, my mum and i were in talking status again, except that she was unexceptionally tired. She can go to bed at 8.30pm and sleep till 9am in the morning for 2 consequetive days. I thought she was really stressed out...so i let her sleep on.

Things start to shows again yesterday night, yep, FRIDAY, when my dad came back from JB. She show her black face, quickly settle her dinner and went to bed. My dad was "used" to this and me, was even more "used" since i got this kind of "treatment" more than my dad and lately, my mum had been doing this "facial expression" quite frequent lately.

My dad and i really thought everything would be fine today. But No. This morning, i was awaken by quarrels AGAIN. So i lazy to deal with them..i went back to sleep, totally ignore them. Woke up at 10.30 to find a black face dad and he told me that mum refuse breakfast. Oklo, both of us went and da pao something for my mum. Whole afternoon, my mum was in bed........non of us dare to go kacau her.....if by sleeping, she can soothes her anger, let her sleep la. But, when my dad went to see her in the evening, he found bottles of beer lying right beside her and instantly, my dad was so furious and quarrels starts AGAIN.

and yep...the rest of the stories...were already told.........

now, everything are peaceful and quiet. I wonder what would tmr be. A good day? or a bad day? i didn't bother to step in just now when both parties were crying cuz i think by crying and quarrelling, both parties can understand each other better and i don't want to show that i side whoever.....although i clearly know who is the right side.

Hopefully...tmr would be okay. Or even better if today...is just a DREAM, a NIGHTMARE. Comeon...i think my theta wave is enough...i should wake up!! Nah...i just pinched myself and i feel pain. Whole thing isn't a night mare...and i can still smell beers on my clothes...in the living room and kitchen.

Would love and happiness NEVER come to my house? Isn't it time for them to come now? We had been having so many troubles lately.....do come soon!!

I have 2 weird thoughts during the crying session,

1. if by dying can settle the whole thing, i rather sacrifice myself and die to stop both of them quarrelling.
2. If that is what family would be....if that is what family would bring....i would rather be a bacholar for my WHOLE life. I don't want a BF, i don't want a husband and i don't want a family. Or maybe....i could just adopt? Or maybe....i could just have a pet dog and end of story!


I am.....really....having SOB now...i never know i has asthma. Or something is wrong with me?