Funeral and Etc

Finally back from the funeral. Today is the 7th day since my grandpa passed away (consider the day he passed away as the 1st day). Today is also supposed to be the day where he would "come back" to visit all of us according to the customs and believes. Scared? Oh no....not at all. I'm actually waiting...cuz i know, if he do come back to see me, it would be to scold me like hell and i am ready for being scolded. Lolz.

These few days...were hard days for me. Not only physically but also mentally. I am really worn off...very very worn off. Yet, that wouldn't be an excuse for me. Life goes on, i have to catch up with whatever i missed. The earth won't stop travelling even if my grandpa had passed away.

Speaking of the funeral, i got quite a number of pictures...yet, forgive me for not uploading tonight, i am just too tired. Give me few days, to heal my broken heart and to regain my physical stamina.

So, about the funeral, i don't know how many are interested in listening, but, i shall write as something for me to remember in future. So, yes, on Tuesday Morning, 2 days after transporting my grandpa all the way from Sungai Petani Kedah to KL Sungai Buloh Hospital, while having breakfast with my parents, my dad got a phone call from Hosp. According to him, the msg was " come to hospital quick, your father is not in a good condition". Indeed, he wasn't in a good condition. He is already in unconcious level when my parents and China Aunt reach the hosp.

I did not follow my parents.....instead, i went home, study renal. But i did asked whether i should go or not.....my dad told me that it wasn't so critical that i should waste time in Hosp. So, yes, i stayed at home and went to PBL. Everything was okay....i mean PBL.....starts off with Parkinson..blah blah....till the PBL1 of the next trigger,,,,,,halfway tru it...i got sms from my mum saying " grandpa just passed away". I was stunned. I don't know what Praveena and the gangs said from then onwards. All i know is " he died...how could he had died? Dr. say he might die today, tmr or maybe next week or next month. I wasn't expecting him to die today...how could he had died?". So yea...i was so quiet whole PBL....till....Praveena notices. Thanx Praveena, for paying attention to me. =) Then i talked to praveena whether i can change the photo session to next week........and somehow my mouth slipped saying that i have to attend a funeral. Kwan picked that up fast and asked me whose funeral that i am going. And you know what....i IGNORED him. I am so sorry kwan!! Really Sorry. I scared i just burst into tears if i tell you....and i seriously don't want to cry infront of everyone.

So, after PBL, i went LIBRARY. Lolz. Of all places, i picked LIBRARY??? Oh well, i didn't go home, cuz my mum wants me to stay on for the next lectur by DKW. So, i went to library, picked few books useful for PBL and borrowed it. Then, i went to a small place.....hide myself....and secretly start thinking of the bad things i did to my grandpa. Oh boy, i was really sad down the drain. So, when i went to Lecture...i really was sad and at the edge of crying. Everything was fine, i was able to hold my head up...smile to everyone....acted as though nothing had happened...........till...i wrote on the photograph session paper saying that i cannot make it since i have a funeral to atttend. AND....RAMZI saw it and asked me. But i ignore him again....i am so sorry. I hear you....i know what you are going to ask...but i don't know how to tell you peacefull with a smile hanging on my face. So, i wrote on a paper when i stabilize my mood and let Ramzi know.

Soon, after lecture, CCB got to know the news accidentally. Lolz. I bet he would never expect such answer. He asked " so, how was ur grandpa ah?" then i said " how? die adi lo...how?" He was stoned. lolz. Real good time to take a snap...but aiya, didn't get a camera that time.

Went home after that...........and sadly...when i reached home, i was just on time....to see the coffin car drive out from my home with my mum and dad crying. My china aunt went with the car, holding a joy stick (another chinese tradition). I really don't know how to react. I felt like crying. Every one there were staring at me. Everyone = the workers from the buriel services. They looked at me, thought i am someone renting a room from the land lord....or else someone who is not connected to the deceased. Sigh. Then, my mum saw me...and blasted me "why didn't you come back earlier?? the car just drive off". I was so bad mood that i shouted at her " traffic jam mah, you tot i want ah?". Then i went to shift my dad's car which was parked some distance away. Once i close the car door.....tears start trickling down my cheek. I hold on to the stering and cried. I missed him....just by a step.....why no one wait for me??? Why he didn't wait for me in hosp and now he didn't wait for me to depart!!! WHY WHY WHY?? I remember slapping the steering till my hand is so painful and started sms CCB and my US Aunt. Sorry...to disturb u all. U 2 are the 1st on my recent contact list.

So, after all the hustle bustle....packing up my books, my clothes...blah blah...oh and washing my hair again (cuz 5days cannot wash hair...again, chinese custom, don't ask me why)....finally, my family departed back to Kedah. My dad was having a black face that time. Well, cuz he was expecting to depart 30mins after the coffin car departed...but end up....cuz i have to run abck to IMU to return book (thanx CCB for helping me to send the book up to library) and met few traffic jam, end up, we reached highway at 8pm. SIGH.

Whole journey was quiet.............till Sungai Perak where my parents quarreled so badly that my mum scream and scream and scream. Sorry..family matters...i shall not reveal here. I don't know how to save them.....so i sms my brother in Ukrain to call back. but he only make things worst at 1st....my mum scream again...like a banshee.....scream.....till she got tired and sleep. Phew. Dam scary. But later, when she calm down, my brother talked to her and she was okay again.

We reached Padang Sera Siam Temple (aka Siam Wat) at 12.30 am. Don't ask me where is it....all i can say is......somewhere near perlis, at the border of perlis and kedah. More north than Jitra but more south to Kangar (ignore me if u don't understand). Imagine, 12.30am, in a small village......where everyone sleeps at 10pm............in such a HUGE temple.....where darkness surrounded it as though going to engulf it.................whole place was so quiet, only sound that you can hear is a bug call "cangkerik" was singing happily. " kweek kweek kweek kweek kweek" was what heard. It was more than scary okay!! To make things worst.....the place where is the coffin is going to be set is at the place where all cremation will be done. (theres a BIG empty space infront of the 3 stoves....and the coffin is to be set there). AND...worst still...next to the place.....is where ppl put the deceased ashes. OMG!!! Not one or 2....okay...but FULL BUILDING!!! Somewhat the size of out lecture hall in IMU. OMG. Damn scary!! And yes, that was the place where i spent 5days there.

The coffin car haven't reach the temple when we reach. We were kinda surprised since the car left about 2 hrs earlier....but of coz la...my dad speeds like hell....so...haha. Again, kinda surprised to see few of my relatives already there, sitting in a small group chatting, supposed to receive the coffin 1st....but...haha...receive us 1st pulak.

So yea, after about an hr plus....finally, the coffin car came....and the burial service man set it up..............and i finally saw my grandpa. I feel coldness down my back when i see him in the coffin, nicely sealed up. Lolz. I don't know its because of the place...or im not used to seeing him in coffin. Haha.

1st night was a very hard night for me. I am sleepy....very sleepy...but i don't want to sleep on the floor next to the coffin or worst infront of the stove where...thousands or hundred thousands of ppl being cremated there. haha. End up....till a point where im so tired that i can hardly open my eyes, i went into the car and sleep like nobody's business. Haha. Whole night, i didn't have a good sleep cuz of the small recorder thing which sings "namo amitabha" till my dream also got ppl saying that verse. So i keep waking up and sleep again, wake up and sleep again....goes on. So, at 6.30am...geng leh, 1st time i wake up so early when i don't have classes to attend. Change clothes...and the day starts.

1st day was very quiet. Too quiet till my parents were afraid that there aren't going to be able ppl coming to pay my granpa last respect. So, my mum decided to put a big orbituary on local newspaper...as big as she can afford on 2 newspaper summore. Ouch, cost about RM 2000 okay...and non of them is half page size. Sigh. Then we all started waiting.....wait for ppl to come...........and only few close relatives came. NIght falls.....and the 1st day's ceremony started with the monk chanting. So...kneel infront of the monk...bang my head 3 times....then continue kneeling while the monk chant and till the monk stop, we bang head again for several times....and then we swap to another cermony pulak. Haha. This time...again, buddhist ceremony....where we pray to the 3 god in buddhist...and start chanting with the whole buddhist society (got book one la...i know, i am not buddhist...and i know u all going to ask how i chant when i don't know anythign? hehe). Wah...all i can say is....the buddhist society ppl are damn LONG GAS lo. Lolz. Didn't get it??? MEANST CHEONG HEI la. They can chant very very very very very very very fast, non stop...no need to breath!!! I bet their lung volume must be extremely big!! Haha. Then finish chantting....we walk in a line, circling the coffin......again, chanting while we walk......for about 10rounds if im not mistaken. And...etc etc etc. Tonigaku ( means...all in all in Jap), the whole buddhist ceremony took about 1.5 hrs (monk is about 30mins and the buddhist thing is about 1hr). Oh yeah, 1.5 hr not big deal right?? Just that it causes raised intracranial pressure of mine..making me having severe headache nia. Lolz. By the time everything ended....i really feel like dying adi. DAMN TIRED.

p/s: i feel like sleeping again....continue tmr!! so tired ~