Religion, Buddist Or Christianity?

Warning : If you cannot take my views on religion, just, please, i beg you....to walk away!! I will not curse either religion nor talk bad about it...don't worry..cuz the fault is not on the RELIGION itself, but the people.

Those who knows me well, would know i had been a free thinker for 20years ++ .....yup, ever since i was born, i am ALREADY a free thinker since non of my family members claim themselves as a member of a religion. Nah. In those important forms (eg: passport, IC) where there is no such choice as free thinker, we would put ourselves as Buddhist, but...haha, we are not!!

I am not saying that "ah, im not a buddhist, so i don't celebrate Wesak (indeed i never celebrate before...haha..except doing voluntery work on that day and having long sleeps)" or " ah im no buddhist, so i don't go ANY temple". Nah, we do go temples, esp on festive seasons. I don't know why...perhaps it's my customs to go temple during CNY? haha. Whatever la. Just to say, i DO go temple...yet i am no buddist!! Weird?

In fact, being a free thinker, allows me to go freely where ever i want to go. Say, when i was young, i went to the camp organised by some church EVERY YEAR without fail. Even after i shifted from JB to KL, i still go church for the camp.........live there with many friends, learn new bible verse, learn new tricks, had fun...blah blah. But, i am Not a christian either!! Lolz. No one ever TRY to talk to me or my family about converting to christianity....maybe my family's face all look very "buddhist"? and to the buddhist, my whole family looks very "christiant"? Haha.

You know, I'm not writing to tell you im a FREE THINKER. But, to tell you, there are some people out there, uses bad way of converting people.

Oh Great !! I just got to know, my old 93yrs old grandpa got converted into Christiant today. The BEST thing is, he got baptised in 2 days, without even letting my dad, his son (although adopted one) know or talk to him before THEY baptise my grandpa. No no.....THERE IS SOMETHING EVEN BETTER!!! BEST OF EVERYTHING..........my grandpa don't even know WHAT is christianity, and thinks that he can still HAVE his funeral in taoist and buddhist mixture way (yea, my kampung all have this kind of funeral, don't get a shock!!) AND AND....thinks he can have his CEREMONY that helps him go to the happy western world of buddist after dead!! SEE????? You got my POINT???? WHY CONVERT and BAPTISE him when he DON"T UNDERSTAND and STILL THINK THAT WAY????

I don't know whether they get credit of going heaven or not after they convert someone into christianity...what i cares is, YOU esp the pastor....SHOULD MAKE SURE THE POOR OLD MAN UNDERSTANDS before baptise him. WTH !!! Now, my grandpa is going to die, knowing his funeral won't be the way he wants.......and no special ceremony (yea la..the one that helps him fly to western world of buddhist lo) done for him. DIE with an UNFUFILLED wish in his heart and NEVER REST IN PEACE. Damn stupid la they all. Keep chantting Rest in peace during every funeral...but never REALLY CARES whether the deceased will rest in peace or not.

A point to add, damn funny de..........my grandpa HATES christianity !! Haha. haha. haha. Sorry, i just can't help laughing. He hates it, yet being converted into one, when he is imobile, lying on his bed, waiting to die. (the last part damn pity also la.....). Why he hates that ? Cuz there one one christiant family, who borrow large sum of money from him in needy times. Though my grandpa wasn't well off....he still lend them....and suffer poverty for few months (real good of him, sacrifice for others...so proud of him). But, when that family....who believes GOD is everything.....become well off...and my grandpa asked them to return the money to him to save him from starving.....that stupid rude family.....THREW the whole stack of money ON THE FLOOR....step the money...make them into a mess....and asked my grandpa to pick it up if he wants....and walk away. Damn BASTARD !!! Oh well, end up, my grandpa pick up la..........money is innocent mah..why threw them away when they still can use? Go spend it mah no one know money were being step on before....haha. But, since then, my grandpa hates christiant.Damn sad right? Just because a tree had fallen on him, he chop off all the trees in the jungle. What to do? Old man mah. Forgive him bah...everyone !!

Now, when my aunt (his own, real daughter) converted into christian about 4-5yrs back, he cried of disappointment. He kneel on the floor.....cried till he was so tired that he cannot get up. He cannot take the fact that his OWN duaghter betrayed her. Aih. At one point, he even want to end the father-daughter relationship with them......but, we persuaded him. There is nothing wrong with christianity, it is JUST A RELIGION. Come on, no need to be so "kua jiong" (exaggerating) gua...till end relationship. So, he took our words...and forgiven her....although spitefully tell her daughter " you no need come to my funeral. You christiant, cannot take joy stick, cannot eat whatever that was layed infront of my coffin, cannot do this cannot do that, so mafan....so i forgive you if you don't want to come!! ". Damn spiteful of my grandpa. Haha. We knew that was the max he could do to clear the anger....so we didn't do anything about it la. Of coz, if there is a funeral, we would call my aunt to come.

But now, what happened? My aunt backstabbed my whole family. BACKSTABBED!!! BACKSTABBED!!! Who were the one helping her to save her r/ship with her father? Who were the one keep a close eye on her going for christianity? Who were the one who nicely advice her not to convert her father knowing grandpa has loads of buddhist wishes and if she convert him, grandpa would not die in peace? WHo?? US...MY FAMILY!!! MY FATHER to be SPECIFIC!!! But now, what good we have? Being Backstabbed !! Well done, aunt!! Well done !! BRAVO!! APPLAUSE and CHEERS!!!

I don't know what is going to happened next. My parents went to see grandpa this afternoon and according to them, my grandpa got into a big shock after my parents explain to him that there is no way having a buddist + Taoist funeral for him....for my aunt would SURE to stop us if we TRY to get his body into a temple claiming that HE IS ALREADY CHRISTIANT!!! So how? What to do? Whats next? All we can do is....to let him die not in peace. There is nothing we can do...unless you want us to grab parang knife.....dash up to Sungai Petani and ROB my grandpa's dead body after he passed away and quickly set up a taoist and buddhist funeral for grandpa? Hahaha. THat is so comic !! Impossible la. My family don't even know WHERE to get Parang Knifes needless to say to ROB the body.

Poor grandpa. Mum said the doctor came to see him not long ago and the doctor says he is not going to survive long. He has a real bloated tummy (i don't know due to air or due to fluid)...immobile, cannot eat......incontinece of both urine and pass motion.....as i said earlier....just lie there waiting to die....unless there is sudden miracle that helps him gain health !! Oh i wish that happen !! Since he is already a christiant, and my uncle keep BRAGGING that ITS ALL JESUS MIRACLE, JESUS LOVING....that my grandpa gain health and can walk after being so weak in china. F*** him la, if Its so good...why he still brings my grandpa to see Doctor? If you think he is EVERYTHING......HE can CURE without asking doctor to prescirbe medcine....then DON"T LET ME SEE HIM WALKING INTO A PRIVATE GP OR HOSPITAL SEEKING TREATMENT !!!! DAMN HIM!! TOO OVer adi la.......i know, Doctor is not everything. Religion is the one that supports us mentally...........when we needs help and miracle and there is nothing we can do....we can leave them all to whatever we belive in (oh my...who do i leave problem to then? My self??? I no religion de wor...haha). But THIS.....is just too much !! Thinking that without doctor, jesus can cure ur normal common cold? electorlyte imbalance?? Aih...he ah....going into demonics adi!! Really no eye see !!

I am so ashamed of having them as relatives now. FORCING people into converting !! IGNORE people's wish...and FORCING !! What kind of people are they? Don't they know that religion can never be forced? A person, even if he is being baptised, but have a buddhist heart....is he still christiant? My grandpa not even HAVE a buddhist heart...but also a BUDDHIST wish......but thanx to his good DAUGTHER....he will never has his wishes reached and fufill!! THank Q auntie...THAnk Q!! I shall never call you aunty anymore, after the only link (my grandpa) passed away. i can only thank whoever (god la....goddess la...chinese god la....angels la.....whatever) that i am not related by blood to you !!! I am so totally ASHAME of you forcing YOUR OWN FATHER........and MAKING him NEVER TO REST IN PEACE!! in fact, I HATE YOU!!! DON"T LET ME SEE YOU AGAIN!!!

p/s: i am open to comment...someone...please tell me that i am wrong......or please tell me that i am right...cuz i am very lost now. I don't know what to do next. I want to help grandpa, but couldn't. Sigh.

See...i say i didn't curse or talk bad about any religion right?? Its all the people's fault !!!

Don't Worry, Be Happy !!

Dear All,

Hmm, to start with everything, i shall give a warning: This is going to be a superb long (i wish la..who knows?), so if you do not have time, just ignore me. Nothing important.....

A recap of my whole week......all i can say is : Horrible & Terrible !!

I broke down twice this week, cry as hard as possible, till i start to understand why people say " nuu ren is shui zhuo de" (women are made from water). Haha.

Sunday: Went to cut my hair.....make it REAL short now. Oh, not to say my mum made me geram by FFK me.....forever making me angry la her !! [haha]

Monday: Nothing much important.

Tuesday: I had PBL at 8.30, woke up at 6.30 since i need to get out from home before 7am...then went out for lunch and come back for meeting at 12.30 which stretch up to 2pm......then went library for one whole stretch day of study...till i also head pusing pusing. Then went lecture....and went home feeling so dizzy...yet i HAVE to study...since i WANT to go shopping the next day. But but...my mum, didn't know i was so tired, keep asking me to do this do that...just because she is LAZY eg: eh, go take the oil for ur uncle at downstairs or eh, you go down, see ah tut sleep where then on the fan for him or eh, you go fetch this for me downstairs. One time 2 time, never mind...i helped you...but when you over-expect my kindness, you will get the consequence...which i shouted and scolded my mum. Since then, she never asked me to fetch anything for her. haha.

Wednesday: Woke up at 6am, because i want to go buy McD as breakfast, for me and the 2 guys. Was feeling very tired, nauseated, headache, but i promised them, so have to go. Was served by an extremely rude and bad face waiter whom said loudly " siapa puk tak nak serve, mengapa nak saya serve pulak". Apparently she wasn't talking to me...but shouting across to her friends...and since she was SHOUTING, i heard and felt so angry. And, she put everything in the bag.......then leave on the counter...make me so stupid stand at the counter as though she still have stuffs to put. After sometime only i realized she finish packing. -duh-

So, i went to uni, and call chen yi to wake her up then dropped by the nasi lemak stall to buy my family's LUNCH. -aih- EVERYONE just LIKE to call me do things for them. Anyhow, the nasi lemak kuah somehow dirties my pouch and pencil box...and i have to wash it at home after my lecture. Then after lunch, my family and I went Sunway Piramid for shopping. Everything was going well, although i was extremely tired and in need of sleep, not to say feeling extremely guilty for i haven't finish Air Topic, Narrative (both of them deadline at next thursday), study my MSK notes and revision.

At night, after dinner, i jump up to my room and wanted to study, then i realize my pencil case is not dry yet and i asked my mum where she put my other BUNDLE of pencil cases (yea, i had a bundle of them, just that my mum kept them somewhere). Mana tahu, my mum told me " i forget where i put wor, you go find la...or else you use this [chuck me a super dirty, aunty, and hideos pouch] and say " same de la...use 1st la, tahan a day or 2 " then she went and place her big ass on the sofa and start chit chatting with my aunt about some one's gossip. WTH!! I was so angry......i kicked everything i can kicked (to not spoil them) then after my leg pain, i slap, push, hit anything i can do..........then hand pain, i start banging the doors which turn out not to be a good idea since i shut the door on my fingers [ouch].....and end up....i don't know is the pain or the anger or the tiredness.....i just sit in the middle of my bed...kneeling summore, and start cry as hard as possible as though i never cried before. I ignored Ah Yun's sms [ im sorry, yunny ]...just kept crying.......and forced myself to study Thani's note although im crying. But all i did was to cry and cry...and trying to putuskan my highlighter. Haha. So, that night, ended with no notes being studied. SIGH!!!

Oh, i wrote to my aunt too....lolz, telling her how badly my mum treated me...lolz.....and the funny thing i saw now is.......i write and cry at the same time. So, my keyboard was soaking with tears after i finish the email [lucky my lappie didn't go haywire !! lolz]

Thursday: Woke up with puffy eyes due to the excessive "water" production previous night. haha. Headache and dizzy, but still went to Uni for 8am class. While on the road, someone BANG me AGAIN. Yes.....i never bang ppl, but ppl just LOVE to bang me. about 3-4 weeks ago, KKB-IMU buss bang me...and now some college guy bang me pulak. I saw my bonnet crack from my side mirror and i wind my window down to signal that guy to drive to the side so we don't block the traffice and cause an even bad jam. But, that guy...................didn't do so but drive on. Lucky there was this jam that he cannot move much. So, i did the bravest thing in my whole life. I came out from my car.....walk to his car....and knocked at his window...as though that is not a main road with loads of car and motocycles....and as though i was in a shopping mall car park [hahahahaha]. So i start settling with that guy......{don't want tell the details}, but the settling didn't turn out good cuz he kept making me angry...and i kept talking in an harsh and cold voice as though im "po4 fu4 ma4 jie1" (angry women scolding road?). Haha. AND...the thing that make me most angry is.....he drives off when the car starts to move and leave me in the MIDDLE of the road. WAH LIAO EH!!! I was so angry that i went back to my car....called my mum....and got even angrier when she didn't pick up.....so i called and called and keep calling till my mum pick up the phone and i screamed at her. Lolz. Damn angry + messy la me.

So, end up, i went to uni, late for THani's class...lucky didn't miss much...and went home after 2 hour lecture to see what my mum want to do. End up, my mum wants to go lunch in SS15 and see whether we can catch that guy in that area (college area mah). And.....really, luck was on my side.....the only space available for me to park my car so i can have lunch, is actually RIGHT INFRONT of that guy's car. Haha. Thanx to my uncle and aunt, who are Toto+ Magnum + Sport Horse + 4D king & Queen, they can remember any 4 figure number PLUS recognise them whenever they see them. Haha. So, mum stuck a note on that guy's windscreen to tell him to meet at THAT spot at 6pm...or i would go report police and have his P licence gantung. Muahaha. [according to CCB, this sounded like loan shark...lol]

So, after that, i WENT back to IMU again...lolz, for CSU. It was a very funny session, but i wasn't in mood to laugh that time [laugh like hell when i remember that today] just worry, tired, and no semangat. So, after CSU, i went home to find no one at home...i use a cane to wack my dog cuz he very naughty [ damn bad of me hor?] and then lie on sofa and tears immediately trickle down my cheeks. -sigh- I was so tired that i do not want to go police station since report take loads of time and i NEED sleep and study. So i cried...and at the same time...sms CCB. SMS halfway...i fall asleep pulak [sorry la, brother]. He was very nice and make me feel so touched. Lolz.

Anyhow, the whole thing settle pretty nicely....but my mum still don't want let me go.....she asked me to bring my whole family to Carefour (T.T) [hahahahahahahaha] So, li li la la...dee dee dah dah....do everything, came home also 12am. AIH !!!!!! =.=" So went to bed straight. Haha

p.s: oh, thanx to CCB, i relize that i should pull myself together...and not continue to sulk and sad.....always think i need to study, think i need to sleep...which all of that make me more tired and irritable. So, i pulled myself up and smiled !!

p.s 2: I missed the MidAutumn Celebration and Welcoming Party which ALL committee MUST attend. What to do, not i want to have accident de ah...ppl want bang me...i can't even avoid. For the 3rd time in IMU, i missed the celebration. haha. Really have no fate with it.

Friday: Woke up with a full energy due to the 9hr sleep i had. Had an early lecture this morning, so went to Uni. -Sigh-Went to check email after lecture cuz i know, my aunt would have write back to me yesterday [but thanx to my mum, i didn't even have the energy to check mail]. After i read the whole email....i start crying again. [lolz] Yup, in e-lab, a very common place where anyone can come and go......tears trickle down my cheeks. I was so touched with her advice and comfort. Will say nothing about it.....but i shall always bring it out to read when i am stress.

So, after lunch, CCB sent chen yi home and we SUPPOSED to go library together....BUT BUT....it was as though fated for me.......i avoided Adelin successfully at the door of IMU, yet i met another yoga club committee when i go toilet. AIH !!! Fated la. So, i packed little bit of my stuff...and decided to go support the club which i once was a committee.

All i can say is " IT IS GOOD & ACCURATE ". Haha. Why ? Cuz they have this meditation thing....where you put right hand on heart 1st...then put on top of your head....and then change hand put on top of head. So, if you feel and warmness in your hand, it has diff meaning. For me....i told her i feel hot on my left hand. She asked me " are you worried lately? very worried? Of many many things?" OMG!!! She was so accurate. I was worried hell. Haha. And, one thing she said....hit me in my mind " Forgive yourself and forgive others. We are humans, we make mistakes, don't think so much, do your best and the rest just leave it all to divine. If someone continue to hurt you, never mind, try forgive her again and again, and help her again and again, somehow, later she will leave you alone and never kacau u again. If you are angry, you are suffering yourself while that person is so happy. So FORGIVE and you will have good fruits eventually!!" I damn like this phrase. Haha.

I had "good fruits".....haha. I went to Friday Focus (aka pathology case discussion for all semester) and don't know why, my mind was working real good, i got one case correct and Dr. Thani said " i will give her an A if she is now in exams". WAH!!! I was so happy !!! [ sorry la, SS a bit, cuz very rare got ppl puji me de leh...haha]

Then lecture....and now....everything was FINE.....

I can't tell you how glad i am now, to find everything as good as i want it to be. I don't know its because i had been stress that i see everything as sad stuff........and now cuz i put all that down and decided to follow my own steps, so i feel good? Or was it cuz of that yoga thing that i learn how to meditate and it calms me down?? [yoga always de-stress me no matter what, Summative la, EOS la...when im stress...i go yoga and all would be fine again]Oh well, which ever.....all i want to say....im feeling good now. Haha.

Special thanx to CCB, for the concern, advice and comfort during my "down" days !!

About my title...this was one of the advice my aunt gave me.....

and to everyone who is feeling stress now

" Don't Worry......relax.....and Be Happy....tmr sun will shine brightly again !! "

What Kind Of Coffee Girl I am..

OMG...i cannot resist this test seeing that i LOVE coffee so much...
hehehe
and
it turn out quite accurate....
ehehehehe

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

What Is My Prom Style

Again, Nothing to do.....so...ahaha...sorry la !!

Classic Halter Dress

Classy and sexy, you know how to make a lasting impression without having an outrageous dress.

What's Your Prom Style?

I Am sexy?? The test must be something wrong...
hahaha

What Kind Of Wine I Am

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex. You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular. Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!). Deep down you are: Dependable and modest Your partying style: Understated and polite Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

What Kind of Wine Are You?

Oh Well....i never know i am modest !! Hahaha...see see enough la k...i am just tired after pushing loads of osteoporosis into my poor brain....

Busy, BiZy!!

Well, my term had finally, succesfully commences this tuesday, no matter how reluctant i am, no matter how much i hate it. Haha. How i wish holidays can be tweeny, weeny, little bit more longer!!

All i can say is....BIZY!!! Yes, yup, BUSY. Been very busy since wednesday...the stamina i built up during holidays are deteriorating bit by bit due to the crazy time table that idiotic AAD set for us. =) Imagine this, we have 4 morning lectures in a week AND afternoon which usually ends at 4pm...or worst 7pm. Meaning, whole week, except monday, i will have to REPORT myself at 8am (where i would wake up at 6.30am) and go home at around 4pm (if lucky) or unluckily, 7pm. Sigh. No eye see !!!

Tmr is the last day of this busy week.....have PBL early in the morning at 8am......a BIG gap in between till 4.45pm (thats why i say AAD is Idiotic loving us so much!!) .......and ends at 7pm. Hopefully, moga moga, i sincerely wish....i have at least some time to study the notes that i had been lagging (yes, i am lagging behind...surprise or not? I haven't finish one note this week!!) and of course, best if i can start a little bit of my revision of the previous systems. Eos ...is a Killer !!

Got to go....still have tones to work to do.....

oh, one thing i am glad is...that i actually finishes my ECA form, finding out all my certs and completing my family medicine portfolio during the holidays. I see few friends of mine catching up......even more busier than me.....and you know what...i actually feel funny and relieved pity for them to have extra work load.

Jah neh !!