Ngam Ngam Cham Cham

I kinda agree with what teng said in my earlier post where i have hormonal imbalance. Maybe i closed up myself too long, then i refuse to talk to anyone, so, although i try my best to keep my temper to myself, all the temper is coming out slowly, or in teng's word--leaking out.

Today, went for CSU. Was a bit frustrated la, then sort of snub at so many people, including Chen Yi. I know my way of talking has becoming more and more sarcastic, i tried to say it in a funny way, but still, it sounded sarcastic. I don't know what comes to me, i hate this kind of me not lesser than everyone else. But, usually, they would tolerate me, but i guess, every one is stressed up, so they also malas to layan me. Sigh.

Usually, after each CSU session, CCB, Ramzi, Wen Chung and Chen Yi would head straight to library and mug there. I would go home. Not that i don't want to join them, but i felt that i have a lot more to go, if i join them, i would either ended up laughing and joking and not doing anything or study lesser for that day. I cannot afford to study lesser each day, which means, i MUST reach my target everyday or i cannot finish on time. Each day now, i am trying to cramp as much notes as possible in my mind, so i can finish all the notes ( 2nd round ) earlier and i want to head for the past year. CCB kept telling me that whats the point with numbers of notes? like him, he studied only once, now is on Past Year and he has the confident of doing well in exams, where as me, doing like a dog, rushing for 2nd time, don't even have confident to pass this exams. For this, i gave him my opinion of " i have my own way of study, so, you cannot compare mine and yours "

Seriously speaking, i felt like, i am a bit isolated already. I felt stressed up easily and keep hoping that exams comes earlier, i cannot take this kind of life anymore ( which i think teng also feel the same? ) I felt my attitude is changing, i am becoming more and more selfish in sharing knowledge, i felt guilty for taking extra notes from the rest of that gang while keeping some extra notes from jane june for my ownself ( anyhow, i just got the notes from JJ today la..haha, so not counted ).

About writing down what i am going to do after exams....sorry teng, i have to pour cold water on you. I DARE NOT even think of holidays. I don't have the confident to pass and been preparing myself mentally " what if i fail....". Of coz, i DO NOT HOPE I FAIL.....I HOPE I PASS NICELY.....but then, sometimes, you just have to lay some road behind, as extra, or else when you fall from such high hopes, it hurts a lot. So, about holidays, i didn't think, but my mother already plan for me. 1st, go Electives with Chen Yi in Seremban for 2 weeks, then come back, i have few days to write report only, then go China to visit my grandfather and next go back to my hometown to shift the graveyard of my 3 ancestors. Their graves had been flooded with water and finally, my uncles and aunties got money to shift the graveyard. Nice plan leh? Although all plan are like ' working ' rather and have fun and relax. YET, today, IMU pour cold water on my plan, for the Nth time...not surprising la...they always do like this de...see the way they treat us this CNY. They decided that our holidays end on 31st march, meaning, i have only 1.5months as holidays where 2 weeks is going to be my electives...suppose to be 3 weeks, but bluf only la, do 2 weeks cukup makan. Haha. So, 1 month, then start fight another war......

Sad la, when i think of the " future " which lay aheads of me..............busy and busy and busy....forever busy. I don't even have time to be sick. That day fever also, continue study until fever also scare of me and run away. Sore throat also pity me, go away by himself at the end of the day although he would visit me again the next day. See la, how pathetic my life is. I know i shouldn't complain, i am much lucky than you gals who are overseas who needed to cook, needed to wash...i just need to STUDY.........but, life is difficult for me, hope you all can understand....

I am so not myself......

Hoping exams would come earlier....i don't have any mood to CARE what i get as results as long as i pass this EOS.....what ever B+....whatever la.....just give me a PASS....then i would be happy enough......

Hoping HARD !!!

sorry to ngam ngam cham cham....