惆怅 ~

Haih ~ Don't know why....i just feel very down and sad today !! Is it becoz grandpa had left and went home ? or was is becoz i have been very busy these few days until i have adapted to those life and now...suddenly without the business....i feel down ?? or was it becoz there is no one at home that can talk to me ?? Yerr.....anything la...i just don't know why i become like dat !!All i know is, after i woke up from that strange dream....with Jane June and her gangs...i feel very sad and down....i know its a very good dream overall....but there is one part...where just before i woke up...is very sad...i guess thats what made me gloomy.

This morning, when i send my grandpa out from my gate....i suddenly feel that my grandpa is really getting older and older. I wonder how many times can i still see him walk around like this....be annoyed with me....refuse to let me hold him...etc etc ?? How many years left for him to be in this world ?? I know that no matter how much i wanted him to stay with me forever...it is impossible. Death is part of the normal human life. Unless you went tru it, or else, it is not consider as a normal human life. You were born bringing nothing with you, and you die bringing nothing with you either. I just feel slightly regret for not really comminucating with him well all this while. My grandpa is actually a very knowledgeable man....although he don't know how to write and can only read few words...he knows all the politics thing that happen in this country....he knows how to fix this and that...he know what is good and what is bad...he brought up my father...work hard to support my dad in Canada and made my dad the 1st one in the whole kampung to go overseas. He work hard to bring my grandma all the way from China ( mind you that he word 9 years to pay his and my grandma's ship ticket....how touch !! ). Although my dad is his adopted son..he treats him like his own son....and treat us like his own grandchildren.He went tru all the ups and downs with this country.....he has the experiances of he communis time, the japanese time...the independent time..........he has lots and lots of knowledge....yet i never bother to ask from him.....sigh ~ IM really regretting now !!

Next is about Lai Sha. She is doing her finals now...oh right...i think i forget to introduce who is this gal called lai sha. She is my cousin......one of the closest to me cousins. Sometimes i call her " dai pak sha ( meaning big shark in cantonese )...sometimes i call her sitinorhalisa.....sometimes i call her lilisa....sometimes lohlaisah....hahaha ~ She has been staying with my family for few years....and i have been very very close to her.When im hungry at night, she will be the only one who suggest to me that we go and buy burgers....or go mamak.....If its late night...or early morning ( 1-2 am ) she will be the on accompanying me to cook maggie mee...then both of us would laugh non stop when we did something stupid during the cooking. Hahah ~ She will buy me clothes....nice nice and cute cute toys....help me this ..help me that....give me advices.....help me cook...hahaha or rather cook for me and i will sit there and shake legs......etc etc. She is graduating this coming November....and will shift to Singapore...the place where she wish to work.Sigh Sigh ~ I guess...i will miss her very much !! I was told about her decision in working in Singapore this morning ( 2.00 am )...and i guess thats what made me feel even sad !!

Last but not least....the dream.I don't know why im so " into " the dream....maybe coz i cried when i woke up from the dream ??? hahaha ~ Funny right ?? i feel so sad that i cried.I told u guys that its a good dream...yea...it is...overally....but at the end...before i woke up....it turn into a very sad dream .....a dream where my heart actually aches. Sigh ~ One funny thing about this dream is...i don't even know who im crying for.Alright, the dream goes like this ( only the last part...i forgotten the front part adi ) . Well, the scene was ...erm...something like a dinner ...you know those hotels scene....the weird thing is...my friends and i are not wearing classy-ly. we are actually in out IMU dress code...and the stupid part is....the place is not restaurant or hotel......the me in my dream say..." oui...why u guys sit outside the library ?? haven't finish eating ar ?? "....see...its actually outside the LIBRARY !! hhahaha ~ But well....i guess that place in my dream is not IMU...coz the food is free and is buffet style...i really don't know why im so not logic !! hahaha ~ Anyway, the dream goes on with me meeting jane june and her gang of friends ( see teng should know who ) ....and i met few other friends from High school too at one of the tables ( the whole scene is full of tables ) . Then...there was this guy...whom i forgotten who is he....nor remember his face.....so, this guy's father was sitting next to our table and smile at me.So, i smiled back. Then, that guy show up...Jane June who is sitting next to me and I start giggling....coz that guy look so alike as his father.hahaha ~ Never mind....later.....we were chatting....and someone start talking about this guy, asking him why his father is so angry with him. Then,this guy answered that his father wanted him to get married...yet he refuse....coz he and his gf is not prepared. Sigh ~ Thats where i start to feel sad and heart ache...lolz ~ The me in my dream has this idea......." he likes me 1st....why the whole situation become like this ?? why ?? why ?? ....i shud be his gf...but why the whole situation was turn around ?? " ...then...before i can say anything...i woke up !! Then...i was feeling so sad and so down.....i start crying !! hahaha ~ Think back now..i really don't know who im crying for....and its very stupid !!

Hmm ~ I guess...the dream is telling me to appreciate that guy i like isiit ?? The dream is warning me not to let go of that guy easily.....but the problem is............i don't remember who that guy is !! hahahah ~ And i certainly don't want that same situation in the dream occurs....haih ~~

Never mind...don't want to write adi....feel so depressed now !!

Have A nice day !!

Princess Ichigo