Pathetic ~ Sigh

Since when,
since when my expectations had been growing.....
higher and higher, until i cannot recognise myself?
What did i told myself when i made my 1st step into IMU?
" I will still be myself, my aim would still be low and i would enjoy life throughly"
yet, just now,
while writing comment back to chong bing,
i realised,
i changed....
my expectations is not as one year back......
my expectations has grown without me realising it...

I hate myself.
I hate this new me.
I don't want high expectations.
I am never one who can face expectations strongly...
I always become depress when i have expectations,
thats why, i FORCED myself to be satisfied with low expectations...
But still, IMU managed to change me...

Suddenly,
Feel like crying...
I am not myself anymore.
Teng used to tell me few months ago,
that 3 of them sense that i change...
but i refuse to accept the fact.
There is nothing wrong with me,
except that i am more careful in clothing and hair-do
But, now
i realised,
what they are trying to say...
and yes,
i changed...
just to survive in IMU

Sad,
but what to do?
i need to survive in IMU
i need to pass ....even not with flying colours...but at least must be in the mode...
this is my aim
my expectations..
funny right?
last year, my aim was to pass...just to pass...
then now...
it goes so high up
I feel suffocated,
feel that my body cannot adapt to all this life
yet i have no choice but to force myself..

All in all
i hate this kind of life...
i miss the old me
the one who don't cares about results as i do now...

Pathetic..