Life ~

i guess im not feeling well today....nope...not well ~ Sigh, who would when they have bad nite mares again !! i know some1 out there is laughing again and wondering why i have so many nite mares.....eh...don't jealous of me ya !! Lolz ~

Anyway, i guess my nite mare is due to the stress i have these few days. I haven't been studying these few days....no mood, i don't know why.Whenever i pick up my book, i just tend to fall asleep or try to look at the things around me.In the end, i end up playing at other things instead of studying.I really really want to work hard, but some how......i just don't have the mood.Then, i have this conscience of mine, which will work on me and wisper in my mind :" cham lo cham lo...u going to die real soon....u didn't study for so many days....how r u going to catch up on monday ?? don't think urself as too smart coz u r not.....and u going fail in ur summative exams."....and everything get worst when i sleep. Yesterday nite, all i dreamt about was.......i was memorising the whole sturcture of the eye and ears.I haven't study yet..but i planned to study past few days.....yet i didn't manage to read them up.So, in the end, i memorised in my dreams.Now, i don't need to look at the lecture notes to memorise the sturcture already...coz i know every structure in my head now....hahaha ~ is it a good thing or a bad thing ? Studying in my dreams.Sigh~ how come this things happen in me ?? I know, i don't need to waste time memorising the sturctures adi...i only need to read up the functions and the other things such as the nerves and stuf.....but still...im feeling so stress when i got up this morning.

Talk about life, i just read a blog written by my high school friend. He was thinking about his life for the past 2 months and realised that too many things had happened. And then, he saw the plants outside his window and saw them withstand the winds and rains outside.That moment, he realised about how we shud live like the plants....to stand up against the hardship ..........Yea, thats about it.I was just wondering.....life is so full of hardship.....the older we are, the more hardship we would get.Seriously, think about it, when we are a child, the thing we hate most...er...will be got scolded ?? the hardship we got will be...cannot get something we want ....scoldede by parents....bullied by friends.....thats all.When we grew up.... go into high school....we have to be careful of the backstab of classmates...the fake-ness of friends.....the catty-ness of friends who will just " derhaka " you for their own sake......you have to worry about the major exams...PMR,SPM...you have to go for lots of tuition classes....this class that class.....just to get as good as other friends.Next, up to uni, you have to worry abt relationship, about catching up with the lectures coz once u failed...thats it....u got kicked out from the uni and u will be wandering aroud...don't know what to do...., you have assignments to do....dead lines to catch......careful of even more serious back stabbing, have to be careful not to trust so many ppl.........then after uni in to job life, you will have to careful of everyone in the society....careful of them backstabbing u, careful of them bringing u into trouble or bringing u lots of trouble...u have to worry about family.....ur kids, ur spouse.....ur parents, siblings......ur friends....u have to be responsible of what u do, what u say...what u have and what u want, u have to bear all the consequences of everything that u have a link with....gosh ~ This is life....isn't it ?

Life is actually very sad.......serious, when u see it as clear as me. You work hard, fought hard....but in the end, u will die when u r old, taking nothing with you and i doubt who will remember u....even ur own family members.Alright, they will remember u for the 1st few years...what about after 10 years ?? they won't even remember u !! hahaha...unless u r Einstein?? or Edison ?? hahaha...or some1 famous........or else...who will bother abt remembering you ?? Life is seriously full of hardship.I wonder, what is my limit.I can go tru one hardship, 10 hardship, 100 hardship....but can i go tru the next 1000 hardship ...or the next 2000 hardship ?? i just fear that one day, i might just lie flat......too tired and too discouraged to get on with all the hardships any more.....sigh ~

Suddenly, i remember the story of Adam and Eve.This was the story told when i was a young little girl and while attending church.Eh...okay, i know im free thinker....but, i was brought up in church when im a kid and brought up in temple when im a teen okay.hahaha ~ Confused ?? never mind. About the story, it just briefly say that Adam ate the knowledge apple which the God asked him to take care of after being persuaded by Eve which in turns was being persuaded by the evil snake to persuade Adam to eat the apple.In the end, Adam and Eve was chased out from the happy land and have to undergo all the hard ship in life. Im just wondering, was the hardship created by god to punish them ?? And how they go tru them at 1st ?? they know nothing....and the miracle is ....they won't die even though there are so many hardships.Think about it, they don't know how to get food in the 1st place....they don't know how to fight back animals...they don't know about how to cure themselves and etc etc etc.....how in the world can they survive ?? hahaha ~ And is life's hardship getting more and more harder from time to time ?? and thats why we have such a hard life now ??

WEll, enough of crapping.....i guess im either PMS or some hormones in my body isn't secreating well ....too much dose...or too little.OR maybe, im sick ~ Yea...the haze is making me sick...........the air is so polluted.....but we can't do anything...we till have to breath the dirty air ...or else we will sure die..." all or none system"....hahaha....its breath or no breath and then leads to " live or died " system.Lolz ~ one thing im curious is.....i guess im going to get flu very soon.....body aching like hell and having running nose.the curious thing is.........i thought we can only get flu in cold weather ?? now is so freaking hot.....why im so weird to get flu summore ??? oh come on....am i an ALien ar ??? hahha ~

Right got to study hard now....mustn't play too much...or tonite i will end up like yesterday nite...having nite mares...lolz ~ By the way, let me shout out one more thing that i hate about the haze :" you stupid haze....give me false hope yesterday....thought the haze is clearing......and i washed my car so hard until its so clean and shinning.........now u come and visit me for what ????? What the......D-E-N-G !!!!!!!!! If i can get hold of you ...i sure stranggle u ...........u waste my time, my money,my energy, my water, my soap, my sponge, my effort....etc etc etc etc etc ...blah blah blah ~~~ Give me back everything !!!!!! i hate u !!! iSSSHhhhhhhhhh " hahahaha ~~

okay...signing off....feel so good after shouting out here....hahaha ~

p/s : whats conjunctiva ?? i still can't find it in the eye.....gosh....i reli can't imagine my eyes are round, ball shape...instead of the shape i see tru the mirror....can some1 pls explain which part is conjunctiva.....the white part of the eye ?? or the blackish part...but the blackish part is call iris and pupil what.....and the white part is dunnoe what tissue rite ??? where is conjuctiva ??

-ichigo -